You're so nebulous sometimes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
