Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
