Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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