I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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