Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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