When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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