I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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