just come out here and I will go home with you...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
