do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
