Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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