Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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