Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
