The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize