You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
