He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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