someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
