guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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