Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
