You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
