I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
