He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
