I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
