he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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