i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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