Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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