My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
