So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
