i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
