I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
