don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
