I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
