my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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