I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
