We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
