Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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