Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
