then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
