epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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