Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
