Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
