Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
