Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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