Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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