I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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