Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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