the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
