Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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