the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
