im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
