His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
