Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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