dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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