you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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