I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
