the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
