He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
