somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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