My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
