no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
