you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
