Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
