So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
