Whod you bang
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
