That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
