See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
