Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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