Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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