she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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