yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
