She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
