Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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