Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
