I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
