Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
