talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
